Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Couch. On fire.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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