Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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