Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
