im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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