i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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