so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm jealous of your bromance
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
