Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
