you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
