i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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