You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
