I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
