party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just got carded by a ten year old.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
