you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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