3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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