I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
