It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize