I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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