I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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