You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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