dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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