you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
