are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
