Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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