I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
