I didn't shave. On purpose
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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