You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
two words: eviction party
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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