Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize