if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
