how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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