i already hear my dad disowning me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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