You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
