now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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