i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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