now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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