he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
