So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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