Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
