We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
