Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
