I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
