Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
