I just saw a hot homeless man
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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