I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
