If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
