I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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