note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
