i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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