Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
