Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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