P.S. I can't hear my feet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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