So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We have started to decorate penises.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
