I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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