Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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