That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
