OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
