hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize