And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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