omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
