i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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