the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
