Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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